― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear
I looked up from my seat in the library, at the slight opening of the door. He strutted in with his books in hand. He was the perfect law student – good-looking, great grades, bubbling social life, impeccable dress sense and sexy girl friend-me!!! I winked at him as he took the seat beside me. I had a problem keeping my hands to myself anytime I was around him. He looked a bit stressed. He had been working really hard campaigning to secure his election as the president of the law society. Things were going smoothly, but the competition was seriously stiff. I tapped his knee under the table as I tried to get up. Ten minutes later, he met me behind a bookshelf. I ‘crushed” him in a hug. (I am petite and he is about six feet). I was extremely aware of his musky scent in the dusty library. He pulled out of my embrace and we spent the next twenty minutes putting finishing touches to his plans. He was always so focused and ambitious and thorough.
On the day of the elections, he was so tense and irritating, snapping at everyone. He succeeded in getting on my nerves, so I went back to my apartment outside school. I was just waking up when my door burst wide open and he came in. There was this glow on his face and I knew that the man after my heart had achieved his goal. I was all over him and the next thing I knew, am giving him my body and my heart and soul. It was crazy and hot, and we lay there all cuddled up, while I listened to him talk about his aspirations and dreams.
About three months later, I didn’t need a doctor to know that I was pregnant. My life had come to a stand still. How could I explain it to my single mom? What sort of precedent was I setting for my siblings? We didn’t really have time to hang because he had his work cut out for him. But I told him anyway. He told me he wasn’t ready to father a child. He didn’t plan it that way. What was I supposed to do? I was to keep quiet about it or else I would ruin his life and career. What about my life and future? He didn’t know about that. I had a brain to figure it out. He hoped I didn’t get carried away thinking about love and romance and hoping that he would marry me? No, I didn’t think so. He was an ambitious and selfish prick. And I was an idiot to think that he was in love with me. No matter how I tried to avoid it, I had to have an extra year. It was more painful as that year ought to have been my final.
After I left, he never called me or texted me. Not when I delivered the baby, not when my mum died, not on my birthday(s). NEVER!!! He ought to have figured I had the baby since I disappeared. I would discover later that dating me was part of the campaign strategy. I was into faculty politics and I was kind of influential. How I felt? Was it love? Was it naivety? Was it folly? I never knew. Maybe the romance novels I read had distorted my perception of romance. Maybe it was purely physical attraction, chemistry, I think? Maybe that’s why he didn’t ever open up about how he felt? I was the game, he was the player. I was played with, used and dumped and I never got over it.