He has walled me in, and I cannot escape. He has bound me in heavy chains.And though I cry and shout, he has shut out my prayers.
Baby cries herself to sleep. Leke sleeps with his back towards me. I pat Baby as her chest heaves, while shooting daggers at Leke, more like at his crown. I don’t get to sleep till the early hours of the morning. I still have to prepare to go to work. I grunt into my pillow as Leke’s sudden movement from the bed jars my whole body. I adjust carefully so as not to disturb Baby.
I feel like shooting daggers again, but my eyelids don’t want to cooperate. I get up and begin to prepare for work. I follow Leke into the bathroom. He throws his arm carelessly around me, and my body stiffens. I am still upset. I grudgingly let him kiss me on my forehead. I pinch my nostrils and playfully push him away. We are going to be fine, but we can’t keep living with the elephant in the room. He encloses me in an embrace and we both sigh. Footsteps from the bedroom break us apart. I push open the bathroom door and usher Baby in.
‘I don’t want to go to school today, Mummy’, Baby declares.
‘Good morning to you too, Madam’. I say dryly. ‘Good morning Mummy, good morning Daddy,’ Baby quips. We all burst into laughter.
I exchange looks with Leke. I let him do the talking. ‘You have to go to school, Baby.’ I nod my head in agreement. Her face falls. I rub her head. ‘Cheer up, Baby. School can be fun.’ I lead her back to the bed room, and rub her arms. ‘Go and sleep a bit, okay. What if we leave around 9?’ She brightens up a bit, and throws her arms around me. ‘You are the bestest!’ I fight back my tears, as I soak in the warmth of her embrace. ‘Okay! Off you go!’
I kiss Leke good-bye, and I try to put the house in order. Somehow I fall asleep, and I don’t wake up till about 8.45am. My panic mode is fully activated. I go to the bath room, take a quick shower and dress up in record time. At exactly 9.05am I am ready to move. I click my high heels hurriedly as I walk in to put Baby on notice that we are late. Her room is quiet, but the bathroom door is ajar.
‘Baby?’ I get no response. I will my heart to be calm. I walk through the door, and find Baby in the bath tub, naked, arms dangling by her side, razor blade on her chest, slit wrists, blood dripping, small pools of blood in and around the bath tub. The only thing I know is that I can’t call Leke yet. I put a call to the hospital where she was treated earlier and request for the ambulance. I remove the blade form her chest and wrap her body in her towel. I get some hankies to stop the flow of blood from her wrist. My only consolation is that I have read about wrist cutting as a means of suicide. I know that it doesn’t have a high success rate. That’s the only thing keeping me sane. I kneel beside Baby and pray while I wait. God, please. God. God. God. Please.